Wednesday, January 25, 2012

What Single People Wish Married People Knew

This morning, my friend Leslie posted this link on her Facebook:

What Single People Wish Married People Knew (will open in a new window)

Take a moment to read that, or at least skim it, and then come back here. Don't worry, I'll wait.

Done? Great. When I read this article today, I was struck by how representative it is of my feelings. I was particularly surprised by this because I am not a very religious person, and this article is written from a religious perspective. But even if you remove all of the God and Bible references, it is still completely representative of my feelings. I wanted to shout, "Yeah, Kate Hurley! I don't know who you are but you're SO RIGHT!"

I didn't, of course. My neighbors probably wouldn't have appreciated that at 7:30 this morning.

I've always heard that as soon as you stop looking for love, it will find you. That you should just live your own life, and be happy being single, and eventually you'll meet someone without even trying. I feel like I must be inferior somehow because I'm still single, but whenever I express that, I'm told that I need to "learn to love myself" before loving someone else.

That's complete BS.

I am perfectly happy with who I am as a person. I think I have a good personality, and I'm funny, and I'm intelligent. I have a job that I love (95% of the time) and friends that I love (99% of the time) and a fish that I love (when I remember he exists). My family is great. I have hobbies that keep me occupied in my spare time. It's not like I'm sitting around wallowing in my single-ness, waiting for some guy to come around and "complete me."

But that doesn't mean I'm happy being single. I am happy with who I am. I am unhappy being single. Those two feelings are not mutually exclusive!

I am not satisfied with my weight, so I go to Zumba 3-4 times a week. That's proactive. It's recognizing a problem and doing something about it. But if I'm not satisfied with my relationship status, I'm supposed to sit around and just wait for God, or fate, or whatever to find someone for me? I've tried that. It didn't work.

This project exists because being passive didn't work,and when a person doesn't get their desired result, they should try a new tactic. To those of you telling me that I need to be happy with myself first, or that I should just live my own life and wait for God to give me the right person, you can bite me. 

Oh, but before you bite me, will you set me up with your single friends please? Because I need to line up some more people!


  1. "I believe there is one perfect person out there for everyone. And do you know how you find him? You stop looking for him. That's why I've stopped looking for Russell Crowe. He'll find me."

  2. Very well written and very brave. The linked article brought forward something I had never though about: being single and wanting a relationship is a grief issue. Of course this makes sense but I never realized it. Some people may not want to hear your words but this is your truth and you gotta live it.

  3. Dude, that "love yourself first" bit gets REALLY old and I think it's just classic non-single person advice. People hear it once and then they repeat it...but it doesn't make it true. Love yourself all you want, when you're single at 27 years old, spooning yourself just doesn't work. I love your blog! I seriously check it every day! Your mom is right! BRAVEEEEEEE!!!!

  4. Julie, I think you are wonderful for taking this on, and I 1 million percent understand what you have written here! I'll email you to find out a little bit more about you and see if I can help you out with a few dates.

  5. So I was searching for dating website for real relationship and I found this and it was really good, it is a good way to see what is out there. There are a lot of different people in different countries, but some good ones too. I had been doing it for about 2 months, when I met someone. We have been dating in person for one month and we traveled together, it is going really well. I don't know if we will ever be in love or spend the rest of our lives together, but I am enjoying being with him while I can. My suggestion to anyone doing online dating is be safe, cautious, and honest. I guess that will help you a lot.