I'm rather frustrated.
I know I've said this before, but I had no idea how hard it would be to find 52 people. I honestly thought that my friends would know people, and word would spread, and if I had to I'd find a few guys myself through okcupid or eHarmony.
What's actually happened, though, is that I've been on three dates. And I don't know what's next. I've tapped all of my resources - I've been bugging my friends for weeks. Many of them have shared this with THEIR friends. I've done eHarmony, and okcupid, and even tried Craigslist against my better judgment (and immediately remembered why I was trying to avoid going that route). I don't know what else to do!
I'm supposedly going on a double date with one of my friends, but there aren't any concrete plans for that. There was a guy in Austin who was going to do a Skype date with me, but he disappeared. So did a guy in Rochester that I was supposed to meet...Last week? I keep thinking that I have people lined up, and then for whatever reason, they keep falling through.
I was talking to one of my friends last week who said that he and his wife had brainstormed people with whom to set me up, but that he couldn't think of anyone that was "good enough for me." Here's my message to you, friends: I don't care!!! I mean, don't set me up with a serial killer or anything, but please don't think too much about weeding people out. It would be great to go on dates with 52 people that you actually think might be right for me. But that's not going to happen. So just set me up.
In the meantime, any advice on how to get 49 more dates this year? What haven't I considered yet?
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
What Single People Wish Married People Knew
This morning, my friend Leslie posted this link on her Facebook:
What Single People Wish Married People Knew (will open in a new window)
Take a moment to read that, or at least skim it, and then come back here. Don't worry, I'll wait.
Done? Great. When I read this article today, I was struck by how representative it is of my feelings. I was particularly surprised by this because I am not a very religious person, and this article is written from a religious perspective. But even if you remove all of the God and Bible references, it is still completely representative of my feelings. I wanted to shout, "Yeah, Kate Hurley! I don't know who you are but you're SO RIGHT!"
I didn't, of course. My neighbors probably wouldn't have appreciated that at 7:30 this morning.
I've always heard that as soon as you stop looking for love, it will find you. That you should just live your own life, and be happy being single, and eventually you'll meet someone without even trying. I feel like I must be inferior somehow because I'm still single, but whenever I express that, I'm told that I need to "learn to love myself" before loving someone else.
That's complete BS.
I am perfectly happy with who I am as a person. I think I have a good personality, and I'm funny, and I'm intelligent. I have a job that I love (95% of the time) and friends that I love (99% of the time) and a fish that I love (when I remember he exists). My family is great. I have hobbies that keep me occupied in my spare time. It's not like I'm sitting around wallowing in my single-ness, waiting for some guy to come around and "complete me."
But that doesn't mean I'm happy being single. I am happy with who I am. I am unhappy being single. Those two feelings are not mutually exclusive!
I am not satisfied with my weight, so I go to Zumba 3-4 times a week. That's proactive. It's recognizing a problem and doing something about it. But if I'm not satisfied with my relationship status, I'm supposed to sit around and just wait for God, or fate, or whatever to find someone for me? I've tried that. It didn't work.
This project exists because being passive didn't work,and when a person doesn't get their desired result, they should try a new tactic. To those of you telling me that I need to be happy with myself first, or that I should just live my own life and wait for God to give me the right person, you can bite me.
Oh, but before you bite me, will you set me up with your single friends please? Because I need to line up some more people!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Date Number Three
On Sunday night, I went on date number three. Now let me be clear: Date number three was actually supposed to be date number four, but number three dropped off the face of the planet, so number four became number three. Did that just make things LESS clear? Probably. Moving on.
Three and I have a mutual friend, who I used to work with and thus know fairly well, but who Three doesn't know well at all. Even though their friendship isn't very close, said mutual friend knew from the get-go that Three and I wouldn't be terribly compatible. She told me that he is very, very nice, but not someone that she would think to set me up with. And her instinct turned out to be right on!
Three and I met for a late dinner and I could tell right away that he was in fact very, very nice. A little TOO nice for me, actually. It's not that I'm NOT nice, but I have a pretty sarcastic and bitter sense of humor and I didn't feel like Three would appreciate that. He was just SO nice.
He was also SO quiet. I am an introvert myself, so I definitely understand that he might have felt shy or nervous. Usually in social situations, I have to bump my B up a bit (predictive index FTW) to pretend to be a little more outgoing. In this situation, he was SO quiet that I felt like I had to lead every single conversation, and fill every single moment, or else we may have just sat in awkward silence the entire time. I am easily exhausted by feeling the need to be so extroverted!
All that aside, it really comes down to the fact that Three and I don't have much in common at all. We have very different interests, we lead very different lives, we have very different personalities. So, you know...It was a bit awkward.
Three, I hope you aren't reading this and thinking that I disliked you. Like I said, you are an insanely nice person and you seem like you would be a good friend. Thank you for the dinner!
I have more to say about just kind of general stuff, but I'll save that for another post... It's late, and I need to dedicate the next 34 minutes to trying to win Eric Hutchinson tickets before the contest closes. (Yes, Folks, this is what I do with my free time.)
Three and I have a mutual friend, who I used to work with and thus know fairly well, but who Three doesn't know well at all. Even though their friendship isn't very close, said mutual friend knew from the get-go that Three and I wouldn't be terribly compatible. She told me that he is very, very nice, but not someone that she would think to set me up with. And her instinct turned out to be right on!
Three and I met for a late dinner and I could tell right away that he was in fact very, very nice. A little TOO nice for me, actually. It's not that I'm NOT nice, but I have a pretty sarcastic and bitter sense of humor and I didn't feel like Three would appreciate that. He was just SO nice.
He was also SO quiet. I am an introvert myself, so I definitely understand that he might have felt shy or nervous. Usually in social situations, I have to bump my B up a bit (predictive index FTW) to pretend to be a little more outgoing. In this situation, he was SO quiet that I felt like I had to lead every single conversation, and fill every single moment, or else we may have just sat in awkward silence the entire time. I am easily exhausted by feeling the need to be so extroverted!
All that aside, it really comes down to the fact that Three and I don't have much in common at all. We have very different interests, we lead very different lives, we have very different personalities. So, you know...It was a bit awkward.
Three, I hope you aren't reading this and thinking that I disliked you. Like I said, you are an insanely nice person and you seem like you would be a good friend. Thank you for the dinner!
I have more to say about just kind of general stuff, but I'll save that for another post... It's late, and I need to dedicate the next 34 minutes to trying to win Eric Hutchinson tickets before the contest closes. (Yes, Folks, this is what I do with my free time.)
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Get thee to a nunnery!
The title of this post is not only a quote from "Hamlet" but also a shout-out to anyone reading this who may have been in my 12th grade English class.
About a week ago, I was sitting in my boss's office when my co-worker, Jess, made some sort of veiled comment about this project. This of course led to my boss asking me what was going on, and being the open person I am, I told her.
I expected her to either think it was cool or to think it was a terrible idea. As it turns out, she not only is completely fascinated by it and continuously asks me about my upcoming dates, she also had a similar story to tell!
"Did I ever tell you about my cousin, the nun?"
My co-worker and I shook our heads.
"One of my cousins was a nun, and a very accomplished one. She helped to found that children's hospital..." My boss thought for a moment before remembering the name. "St. Jude. She helped to found St. Jude. But she didn't always want to be a nun."
I wouldn't blame her.I mean, there aren't very many people who want to be nuns. It's a pretty thankless job and frankly sounds pretty boring to me. As I thought about this, my boss continued.
"When she first thought that maybe she was supposed to be a nun, she wasn't happy about it. The celibacy thing, you know. So she made a vow to herself: She was going to go on 100 dates, and if she didn't meet anyone special during those 100 dates, she would become a nun."
My boss stopped there, as if the story was over. I already knew the answer of course, but I asked anyway: "So...Did she go on the dates?"
"Oh, yes. And didn't meet anyone special, I guess."
And that was the end of the story. That was it! I mean, what's the moral there?! If this woman went on 100 dates and didn't find anyone special, how am I supposed to meet someone in just over half that many? Am I doomed to be alone for the rest of my life? Am I supposed to become a nun or something?
Sure, I suppose you can make the argument that the only reason she didn't meet anyone is because she was SUPPOSED to become a nun, it was God's plan, blah blah blah. If you believe in that stuff, fine. All I know is that right now, 52 dates is UNFATHOMABLE to me. I mean, I've gone on TWO and it's already tiring. Not the date themselves, those are fine. But the process of trying to find people, coordinate schedules, decide where to go...Ugh! It's tiring! And is anything going to come out of it? Am I going to meet someone special? Or am I doomed to a life of involuntary celibacy?
About a week ago, I was sitting in my boss's office when my co-worker, Jess, made some sort of veiled comment about this project. This of course led to my boss asking me what was going on, and being the open person I am, I told her.
I expected her to either think it was cool or to think it was a terrible idea. As it turns out, she not only is completely fascinated by it and continuously asks me about my upcoming dates, she also had a similar story to tell!
"Did I ever tell you about my cousin, the nun?"
My co-worker and I shook our heads.
"One of my cousins was a nun, and a very accomplished one. She helped to found that children's hospital..." My boss thought for a moment before remembering the name. "St. Jude. She helped to found St. Jude. But she didn't always want to be a nun."
I wouldn't blame her.I mean, there aren't very many people who want to be nuns. It's a pretty thankless job and frankly sounds pretty boring to me. As I thought about this, my boss continued.
"When she first thought that maybe she was supposed to be a nun, she wasn't happy about it. The celibacy thing, you know. So she made a vow to herself: She was going to go on 100 dates, and if she didn't meet anyone special during those 100 dates, she would become a nun."
My boss stopped there, as if the story was over. I already knew the answer of course, but I asked anyway: "So...Did she go on the dates?"
"Oh, yes. And didn't meet anyone special, I guess."
And that was the end of the story. That was it! I mean, what's the moral there?! If this woman went on 100 dates and didn't find anyone special, how am I supposed to meet someone in just over half that many? Am I doomed to be alone for the rest of my life? Am I supposed to become a nun or something?
Sure, I suppose you can make the argument that the only reason she didn't meet anyone is because she was SUPPOSED to become a nun, it was God's plan, blah blah blah. If you believe in that stuff, fine. All I know is that right now, 52 dates is UNFATHOMABLE to me. I mean, I've gone on TWO and it's already tiring. Not the date themselves, those are fine. But the process of trying to find people, coordinate schedules, decide where to go...Ugh! It's tiring! And is anything going to come out of it? Am I going to meet someone special? Or am I doomed to a life of involuntary celibacy?
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Date Number Two
Saturday was my blind date with number Two. Two suggested that we meet at a coffee shop in Uptown which, upon further research, is supposedly the most pretentious coffee shop around (at least that's what the reviews on Google say!). I don't drink coffee, but I was excited to go just because I'd never been to this particular place. An added bonus of this project is that I get to try a lot of new things!
When I walked into the coffee shop, Two was already standing there. First impression - CUTE. Just as cute as his Facebook picture. For those of you that don't know me, allow me to explain what I'm usually attracted to - I tend to date guys that are tall, skinny, kind of gawky and awkward but charming enough that they can pull it off. My mother once told a friend of mine that I only date "disfigured" people, and when I protested, she then went through ALL of my ex-boyfriends and proved she was right. But I like that kind of nerdy guy that looks just a little off, apparently. So anyway, when I say that number Two is cute, I don't mean "Julie cute." I mean ACTUALLY cute - Like, normal people would see him and go "Wow, he's handsome!"
So we made small talk in line for a few minutes. I ordered a hot chocolate, and the barista asked me if I wanted "stone-ground organic chocolate or chocolate syrup." I smiled in bemusement as I remembered all of the reviews calling this place "pretentious." We got our drinks and sat down in the back.
Two and I ended up chatting for about 2 1/2 hours and, as it turns out, he's awesome. Like, seriously awesome. He's completely brilliant - He's a science teacher with a Master's degree in neuroscience, which I can barely comprehend. He's done a little bit of improv. He bikes everywhere during the summer. He has a super-dry sense of humor. We got along pretty well, as evidenced by the lengthy conversation with only a few awkward pauses.
We chatted a little bit about our mutual friends, and he was surprised to hear that I've never met one of them in person. She an improviser as well, and he made the off-handed comment that he should take the time to see her perform sometime soon. I took that as my opportunity to be about as forward as I can, given the confines of this project, and said "If you do, you should bring me with you." He mentioned that again later, so hopefully my comment wasn't completely out of the blue...
Eventually, I had to go to work and he had to leave for a guitar lesson (swoon, right?). So he shook my hand and said goodbye, and that was that. Overall things went really well. He's pretty amazing. I don't know how he felt about me, and I don't know if more chemistry would build if we saw each other again...But I'd like the chance to find out!
Two, if you happen to be reading this, I had a great time talking to you! Good luck with your classes this semester. If you are at all interested in seeing me again, you know how to get ahold of me! Or feel free to leave a comment here and tell me how off-base I am and that you had a terrible time, whatever happens to be true.
Date three isn't officially set up yet, which is making me a little nervous. Keep sending people my way, please. This is going to be a long year if I have to set everything up at the last minute.
When I walked into the coffee shop, Two was already standing there. First impression - CUTE. Just as cute as his Facebook picture. For those of you that don't know me, allow me to explain what I'm usually attracted to - I tend to date guys that are tall, skinny, kind of gawky and awkward but charming enough that they can pull it off. My mother once told a friend of mine that I only date "disfigured" people, and when I protested, she then went through ALL of my ex-boyfriends and proved she was right. But I like that kind of nerdy guy that looks just a little off, apparently. So anyway, when I say that number Two is cute, I don't mean "Julie cute." I mean ACTUALLY cute - Like, normal people would see him and go "Wow, he's handsome!"
So we made small talk in line for a few minutes. I ordered a hot chocolate, and the barista asked me if I wanted "stone-ground organic chocolate or chocolate syrup." I smiled in bemusement as I remembered all of the reviews calling this place "pretentious." We got our drinks and sat down in the back.
Two and I ended up chatting for about 2 1/2 hours and, as it turns out, he's awesome. Like, seriously awesome. He's completely brilliant - He's a science teacher with a Master's degree in neuroscience, which I can barely comprehend. He's done a little bit of improv. He bikes everywhere during the summer. He has a super-dry sense of humor. We got along pretty well, as evidenced by the lengthy conversation with only a few awkward pauses.
We chatted a little bit about our mutual friends, and he was surprised to hear that I've never met one of them in person. She an improviser as well, and he made the off-handed comment that he should take the time to see her perform sometime soon. I took that as my opportunity to be about as forward as I can, given the confines of this project, and said "If you do, you should bring me with you." He mentioned that again later, so hopefully my comment wasn't completely out of the blue...
Eventually, I had to go to work and he had to leave for a guitar lesson (swoon, right?). So he shook my hand and said goodbye, and that was that. Overall things went really well. He's pretty amazing. I don't know how he felt about me, and I don't know if more chemistry would build if we saw each other again...But I'd like the chance to find out!
Two, if you happen to be reading this, I had a great time talking to you! Good luck with your classes this semester. If you are at all interested in seeing me again, you know how to get ahold of me! Or feel free to leave a comment here and tell me how off-base I am and that you had a terrible time, whatever happens to be true.
Date three isn't officially set up yet, which is making me a little nervous. Keep sending people my way, please. This is going to be a long year if I have to set everything up at the last minute.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Date Number One
This evening was my first blind date of the year, and it's only the fourth, so I think I'm doing pretty good on the timeline so far! "One" and I have a mutual friend, and when I asked her if I'd like him, her response was "You very well might." Sort of reassuring, right?
Right after work, I drove to Delano to meet One, who lives about two hours west of the cities. Unfortunately I left work a few minutes late and there was an accident on the highway, which rendered me about 10 minutes late. Great first impression, I know. I felt awful about being late, but he was very nice about it.
I joined him at the restaurant and we ended up chatting for a little over two hours. I had assumed that because we had this mutual friend, he would know at least a little bit about me. Incorrect assumption! When he asked me about my job, I said "I work at the same theatre company (mutual friend) worked at." Blank stare. Which is fine, but I sometimes feel like describing my job to non-self-defined artists either ends up sounding confusing or like a canned sales pitch of some sort.
One is working at a major retailer for whom I also used to work, so we had that in common. He's an aspiring photographer who is hoping to move to the cities sometime soon to pursue that career. Ultimately he would like to move to the Chicago area, which made me smile because that's where I grew up.
So we had plenty to talk about, and yet, I started feeling pretty bad about the whole situation. Up until now, it was just hypothetical and a fun, crazy challenge to go on 52 dates this year. But now I was sitting here, across from a really nice guy, knowing that in three days I'll be having coffee with Number Two. It felt like I wasn't really giving One a fair chance, and it almost felt disrespectful to him. Like "Hey, thanks for buying me dinner, but you're just a number on my blog."
I asked him how he felt about it, and he said that as long as the expectation is set from the beginning that I'm going to keep going on dates, it's fine. He thinks that even if I meet someone amazing, I should finish out the 52 dates because that's the mission I've set out to complete. I don't know how I feel about that idea, but I guess it doesn't matter yet anyway because as nice as One is, it's not exactly like we fell head-over-heels in love with each other! So I guess we'll see what happens as the year goes on.
So listen up potential dates, here's the deal: There's going to be another date after you, even if we really click. Don't take it personally. If we meet during the course of this project and you feel like we really connect and you want me to stop going on these dates, you're going to have to tell me that. I can't get wrapped up in trying to figure out how 52 guys feel. I can hardly ever figure out how ONE guy is feeling! If that happens, we'll figure it out from there.
Thanks, One, for driving so far to meet me and for buying me dinner! You're a nice guy (despite your reckless driving stories and numerous speeding tickets - not exactly the way to win over a police officer's daughter, by the way!) and I'm sure I'll run into you again sometime. Keep me updated on your potential move to the cities!
Date number two is Saturday morning. I still need to line up a bunch more, so send your single friends my way...
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Thanks, Moon and Staci!
A quick break from work to say that I just talked to Moon and Staci, the afternoon hosts at KS95, and they happily agreed to pass this blog along to all of the Twin Cities listeners. Fantastic! So hopefully this will generate a bunch of people who might want to be a part of this project. If that's you, e-mail me!
And Moon and Staci are pretty great, so you should visit them here: http://www.ks95.com/shows/moonstaci
And Moon and Staci are pretty great, so you should visit them here: http://www.ks95.com/shows/moonstaci
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Happy New Year!
It's January 1st (at least for another 30 minutes or so) and that means this project has officially begun. However, it isn't proving as easy as I had hoped...I guess the reason my friends haven't set me up with anyone over the past five years is honestly that they don't have any single, male acquaintances!
Meeting 52 guys this year is going to be REALLY hard, it seems. I'm already having to step outside of my circle of friends, but I don't want to do anything too crazy to hit that number.
I don't have much to say right now, really. I just felt like I should update and encourage you, if you're reading this, to PLEASE pass it to your single male friends, or your friends who might have single male friends, or just pass it to random strangers on the street and tell them to e-mail me. If I knew 52 single males, I wouldn't have to do this in the first place!
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